Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Here We Go Again,

Something I've wanted for so long
just some space--
to get my shit together
to keep forgetting everything that happened
to find myself,

without the impact
of you.

I just wanted to walk away from you,
with no complications,

I wanted it to be easy

with you,
I always knew,

was impossible

"I hate you," I say
and all you return with
is how much you love me

all my imperfections,
all my insecurities,
you take and hold in your heart

And it makes my head spin,
to know that someone thinks of me
that way

Especially you,
when at one point in my life,
I heard you say,
"I don't love you anymore,
and I never will again"

Those words,
like a knife to my soul,
still remain,

and as hard as I try to make

I can't

And I know it's awful,
but the awful stuff is there,
it lingers,
and I don't see it going away

So I'm sorry,
I can't give to you what you want to give me,
but I will never forget,
how you made me feel,
when my heart was ripped to shreds

But I understand,
that if we can't be more than

then we can't be anything at all.

This is what I wanted all along,
to be nothing

Why does it hurt then?
Why does it feel like a part
of me, is walking away


This is exactly what I didn't
want in the
first place

I want to be able
to feel
when I look


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