Thursday, April 3, 2014

Is It Worth It?

It sure is something the way that you grow so insanely close to somebody at so many different points in your life.  Never could you even imagine them dropping out of your life for good, but then one day, they do.  They're gone.  And you don't know when or how it even happened but it did, and there's no way you can pull them back.  

The fear that comes with that realization is heart retching, life threatening.  Someone you once loved more than life itself can so easily pull themselves out from under you and run like hell until your eyes never meet theirs again, your ears never hear their sweet voice whispering their fears, or belting their laugher.  

Sometimes wonder overtakes me and forces me to decide if it's even worth it to let myself fall that close to someone else again.  Can our hearts take the pain if they decide we're not worth it anymore?  Is it worth the indescribable memories that will forever fill our hearts?  

Is it worth the countless hugs, the smiles that warm your heart, and the laughs that make your stomach hurt?
Is it worth the random drives because you both have so much on your mind, yet you're not quite ready to talk about it yet?  
Is it worth the look you both have in your eyes when you can't look away because you wonder how you ever got so lucky, to have such a beautiful person placed in your life that you could never imagine losing them, because your heart would just sink to the ground out of desperate, overwhelming sadness?

It's not my choice to make, 
it's your heartbreak.

So tell me,
is it worth it?

A Big Ole Lie

I tried,

you still lied.

I wanted
so bad,

to give you a chance.

I was giving you,
a second glance.

But you let me down,
as they all do,
and you,
of course,
were going through us,
two by two.

So here I go, 
out the door,
ready to be grouped as,
"just another whore."

I know the truth.

That I still have,
my dignity, 
and true words,
only come from me.
That it's your loss, 
and I should have known,

people don't change--not one bit.

A big ole lie is all I'll ever get.