Something I've wanted for so long
just some space--
to get my shit together
to keep forgetting everything that happened
to find myself,
without the impact
of you.
I just wanted to walk away from you,
with no complications,
I wanted it to be easy
Easy...
with you,
I always knew,
was impossible
"I hate you," I say
and all you return with
is how much you love me
all my imperfections,
all my insecurities,
you take and hold in your heart
And it makes my head spin,
to know that someone thinks of me
that way
Especially you,
when at one point in my life,
I heard you say,
"I don't love you anymore,
and I never will again"
Those words,
like a knife to my soul,
still remain,
and as hard as I try to make
them
go
away
I can't
And I know it's awful,
but the awful stuff is there,
it lingers,
and I don't see it going away
anytime
soon
So I'm sorry,
I can't give to you what you want to give me,
but I will never forget,
how you made me feel,
when my heart was ripped to shreds
But I understand,
that if we can't be more than
friends...
then we can't be anything at all.
This is what I wanted all along,
to be nothing
at
all
Why does it hurt then?
Why does it feel like a part
of me, is walking away
again?
This is exactly what I didn't
want in the
first place
I want to be able
to feel
nothing
when I look
at
your
face
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
The Gutter
Drip, drop,
the rain sounds on the rooftop
Hitting so fiercely, so uncontrollably
The rain, it's on top of the world,
smashing against this rooftop,
feeling as it will never stop
But this rain, starts to
slowly
slide
down
the
rooftop
But doesn't realize it until it's
digging fingernails into the
shingles
Praying to the God above
that He will teach them to
love
Teach them to forgive,
to really live
to be on top of the roof again,
To live right,
and to do
this,
without a fight
But this rain,
continues to slide,
covering it's eyes,
trying to hide
From what's to come,
because here,
is rock bottom
Then here it comes,
the end..
giving up any possible way
to mend
what has been broken
But the most beautiful thing,
blocks the path,
while this rain,
is uncontrollably spiraling down,
while the cruel thoughts linger,
placed into the deep depths of the mind,
by this unforgettable,
town
It caught the fall,
without one stutter,
and this rain,
will be forever thankful..
that God invented
The Gutter
Drip drop,
here we are again,
being carried...
all the way to the rooftop
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
The thoughts
I just,
can't
the thoughts
they run like a fountain
from my heart
to my brain
From my brain,
to my smile
My smile,
that stretches
all the way
across
my
face
The thoughts
of
you
consume me
And maybe that's bad,
but I'm convinced,
that you will be
the best
I've
ever
had
I've never had
this assumption
about
anyone
else
But something
about you,
More like,
everything about
you,
has me
hooked
From your
smile,
that's
got my plans,
booked
to your
dark blues,
that's got me
ready to be
your
muse
It's an all day thing--
my thoughts of you
and I hope I'm not the
only one
I hope you,
somehow,
think this
way
of me,
too
I know,
I can sometimes
be a
real
But I hope to you,
I'm worth it
Because I can't think
of anything
I'd rather do..
than be,
your
royal
princess
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Fuck it.
It's easy,
to give in
to run away
from your pain,
and just say
fuck it.
It's easy,
to let them win,
to duck your head down
and just,
take
the
hit
It's easy,
to listen to him,
tell you,
you're
worthless
that you're doing everything wrong
that you're not perfect
that you will
never
even
be
close
He sings these words to you,
like a joy filled song
He's doing you a favor,
revealing the truth--
so you spend every second,
trying to fix yourself,
never settling,
never being happy,
never thinking,
"I think I did something right,"
Never,
without putting up a fight
But he told you
the truth
It's what,
you
deserve
But he's sure got some nerve,
telling me what is wrong
with myself
Correcting me daily,
never letting
me
be
me
Never letting me
be free...
He really couldn't see,
that the problem was him all along
and now, I sing to him,
like a song
That I am one of a kind,
despite all the nasty words,
in
my
mind
I am worth
so much,
and no one can tell me different...
not even
those words,
he...
so
thoroughly
meant
Because I am wonderfully made,
in God's eyes
Now
he just looks at me,
and sighs.
Because it was easy,
to walk away from that knife,
to turn around and scream,
"THIS IS MY LIFE,
and I will not take another hit,"
because this time,
I'm looking you in the eye,
and
saying...
Goodbye.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Praise
Do you ever think about if, right now, someone jumped in front of a bullet for you? If someone was trying to take your life, and someone else, saved it. They did everything in their power to make sure you stayed alive. They made sure that you not only stayed alive, but really lived. They made sure that in this life that you have on earth, that you got everything out of it that is humanly possible. That you may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance, to the full, till it overflows. They made sure that you lived free from the cruelty of the world, free from condemnation of all the awful things you do as a human, free from it all-- because they gave their life to make sure of it.
Now, don't you think, that if someone were to do that for you, right now, that you would praise them, and worship them, value everything they've ever said to you, and never go a moment without thinking about them?
So tell me, why don't we do that?
For our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
The quality of a lie
So many times in my life, people have fed me lies
So many lies, I lost count
Lies about them, lies about me, lies about them with me, lies about them with someone else
The lies just kept on coming-- after time, I realized that I'm done believing what people say to me
I am to the point where the compliments, the sweet words, the so-called "truth," just comes in one ear and stumbles out the other
...... the words stop, for a sweet second, and I appreciate them
I got so tired of hearing these lies,
and I don't know any other way--
it's unfortunate really,
So many lies, I lost count
Lies about them, lies about me, lies about them with me, lies about them with someone else
The lies just kept on coming-- after time, I realized that I'm done believing what people say to me
I am to the point where the compliments, the sweet words, the so-called "truth," just comes in one ear and stumbles out the other
...... the words stop, for a sweet second, and I appreciate them
then reality hits, and I remember,
the quality of a lie
The way it makes me feel good, makes me feel worth something, makes me feel like I actually mean to this person,
what
they
say
I
do
Then the lie comes alive, and I realize what it really was to start out with-- an untrue, heart-wrenching,
false commitment to my thoughts
and I don't know any other way--
it's unfortunate really,
because I honestly want to believe the words you say
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
I hear,
I hear, the memories are the greatest factor
They're the only things,
that make the good parts
They've all been destroyed,
by your life-ruining bat.
of the past.
They're the only things,
that make the good parts
really last.
But what happens,
when the memories fade,
and the person
who you loved,
was the one who helped them be made?
was the one who helped them be made?
Who can remember them now?
All we can remember
is the bad.
The memories,
that seem to make us
steaming mad.
that seem to make us
steaming mad.
Because there's
no
one
here
to help us remember the good...
no
one
here
to help us remember the good...
They've all been destroyed,
by your life-ruining bat.
Now tell me,
Whose fault is that?
Monday, September 2, 2013
Think about it--
Think about it--
Waking up next to one person..
for the rest
of
your
life.
That one person
that you're so
incredibly, undeniably,
and insanely
in love with.
The idea, scary enough
never being with anyone but them
Or the idea,
pure perfection
The love between you two
is inseparable,
unspeakable
and no matter what goes wrong,
nothing
could break you apart
I want that,
the fighting,
the yelling,
the kissing,
the hugging,
the passion.
I want all the bad
because I know that what comes with that
is the good
and there's nothing more worth it
The 9th of August, 2013
Love can really fuck a person up
You fall for someone and you
realize you love them
You love them.. So. Much.
You go on loving them
and thinking it'll last forever--
They're the only person you'll love
And then one day,
they break you.
they shatter you
they end you.
they end you.
And all of a sudden,
you have to
stop
loving
them
But love is eternal,
love is undeniable
How do you love someone,
and then.. stop?
Did you never really love them?
Or will you.. Never. Stop.
The internal heart-wrenching pain...
never settling like a blood-filled vain.
Who can expect us to love again...
When the love we once experienced,
had to end?
The pain is like, a dark filled sky--
except we're the birds,
and we have to learn to fly
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)